Funny

End

End

Tags: Funny 2606 points, 109 comments. Source link

Sorry

Sorry

Tags: Funny, potato 4162 points, 112 comments. Source link

By shouldve used a condom

Today, I was under the impression that my kids would eventually grow out of wanting to watch me use the bathroom. Instead, my 7 year-old son attempted to pick the lock so he could watch me take a shit and make fun of me for it. FML Source link

Health and Food: Trust your gut

Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it’ll published in the next 24 hours or so. Source link

By Sofvcked

Today, I found out when my new roommate said she was self-employed, she really meant unemployed. She insists that I let her stay for free or she will file a sexual assault case against me. Rent is due on the 10th. FML Source link

How?

Tags: WTF 3312 points, 132 comments. Source link

By Flipper_87

Today, my girlfriend, who I’ve been madly in love with for 18 months, left me for some guy she met two weeks ago. I was planning to propose to her next week. FML Source link

Chadgirl

Tags: Funny, chad 13185 points, 707 comments. Source link

By so not funny!

Today, my husband and I, as well as our two oldest kids, have dark hair. Our youngest came out with very blonde hair, like my older brother’s. My husband insists on calling the baby our little “golden-haired Lannister”, no matter how many times I’ve asked him to stop. He thinks it’s hilarious. FML Source link

[spicy] | By Amy

Today, three weeks after I gave birth to a stillborn, my now ex-husband told me he’s leaving me for his pregnant coworker. It’s his. FML Source link

By NewDadHurtBad

Today, for the third time in 3 months, my pregnant wife woke me up by slapping me because I cheated on her in her dreams. I would never cheat on my wife, and she blames it on “pregnancy brain.” There’s still 5 months to go. FML Source link

By lukey101

Today, my mum refused to send me a picture she took on her iPhone until it synced up to her iPad, because she claimed it will then appear larger. When I tried to explain the image will be the same regardless, she angrily accused me of not having any trust in her. I still haven’t …

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By you’re one to talk!

Today, I reluctantly went to a family get together. My nosy aunt decided to try to lecture me on why I should spank my kids. That’s great coming from a woman who was a teen mom, had kids with 3 different guys, and now has grown kids that hate her guts. Yeah I truly need …

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By Lost

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from school. The secretary said that my husband had already picked her up two hours ago. I don’t have a husband. He left while I was pregnant with her 6 years ago. The secretary said “no one told her” she had to check ID’s before releasing a …

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By Almost40

Today, it’s my birthday, and like every other Sunday, my wife’s been called into work, and I’m left with our three toddlers and yesterday’s mess to clean up. It’s raining. FML Source link

By indiemusicnerdgirl

Today, I have severe sun poisoning, a migraine, have been getting dehydrated no matter how much water I drink, and am on my period with horrible cramps. Yay summer! FML Source link

By eff that asshole!

Today, I overheard my mom’s boyfriend viciously berating and verbally abusing her. I got in his face and started yelling that he can’t talk to her that way. He stormed out and we haven’t heard from him since. Now my mom is pissed and wants to kick me out for “ruining” her relationship. Sorry I …

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By Ethan Sitzes

Today, I called into work because of a family emergency. My boss was understanding; my coworker? He tore me a new one because his wife wanted him to take the day off, which he didn’t because it was going to be a tough day at work. He also threatened to find a way he could …

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By LAAAAAAAZY

Today, thanks to years of verbal abuse from my mother, I can’t even watch a ten-minute YouTube video without hearing her voice in my head, telling me to get off my lazy ass and do something. I can’t afford therapy. FML Source link

By MoshiBak

Today, our little family business was asked to do a presentation at my daughter’s school. When we got there and I saw her’ I waved to her happily but she totally blanked me, plus my super strict mom smacked me on the back of the head for embarrassing her by not acting professionally while I …

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By lanexox1d

Today, I laughed so hard at a show, I threw up all over myself. The show in question? iCarly. FML Source link

By Bram

Today, marks my one hundredth pound loss. To celebrate, I put on my first backless dress I bought for this occasion. The dress fit great. Unfortunately, today also marks the realization that instead of inheriting my father’s beautiful hazel eyes, the universe blessed me with his hard to get rid of back rolls instead. FML …

By Bram Read More »

Amazing…

Amazing…

Tags: science, astronomy, pluto 2276 points, 159 comments. Source link

By Never ever again

Today, I’m kicking myself for buying and setting up an elaborate cat tree I thought my cats would love. The second I was done, they walked over to it, sniffed around, and went to sleep in the box it came in instead, and won’t go near the darn thing. It might as well be a …

By Never ever again Read More »

Words

Words

Tags: usa, charge, dismissed 2502 points, 289 comments. Source link

;-)

12200 points, 285 comments. Source link

By Xxvc67

Today, I was attempting to trash my cheating boyfriend’s house. While I was pouring gasoline all over his belongings, he decided to come home early with the little homewrecker. FML Source link

By iiiiiiii

Today, like every day, everyone blew up my phone at once and I began having a panic attack. Because I didn’t respond immediately, I was called rude and a bad person. Turning off my phone isn’t an option either, because my mom will come in my room and cuss me out for not responding to …

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By jessloveskate

Today, I saw a kid throwing a tantrum in a supermarket. Thinking it was a matter of lack of discipline, I waited for the kid’s mother to come out of the bathroom to tell her how naughty her son was being. I then got to watch her beat her son to the point of unconsciousness. …

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By Superdad

Today, I told my daughter her mom was busy fighting aliens, so I wouldn’t have to tell her that her mom is just a shitty, self-absorbed bitch, who doesn’t deserve kids. FML Source link

By Jeanette

Today, I caught a cold. Turns out that the neighbours who have noisy children have also caught COVID and have to isolate for a week. I not only have to deal with a cold, but I have to overhear kids shows and crying through the thin wall dividing our houses. FML Source link

By Ewyucky

Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML Source link

By Sigg

Today, we travelled back to England to meet my fiance’s family. Turns out her cousin is a guy I hated from high school. I tried to be an adult, but we began sniping insults at each other like we used to. By the end of the night, we realised we actually missed hating each other …

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By Sad old friend

Today, I found out that one of my oldest buddie’s brother died of Covid. I’m so sad, not only for him, but that so many of our old crowd is passing on. I’m only 62. Where did those years go? There is still so much to do. FML Source link

By Birthdaypoop

Today, it’s my birthday. Not only did my boyfriend of 5 years forget, when I reminded him, he said very unenthusiastically, “Oh, Happy Birthday.” When I said, “That’s it?” he got annoyed and said,“Well, what else do you want me to tell you?” FML Source link

By Searsguy

Today, I got fired on my second day on the job. I’d said that I was the former manager of a Sears that had permanently closed. Thinking they wouldn’t call and verify since it was closed, I put it on my resume. Turns out one of my coworkers used to work there for 10 years …

By Searsguy Read More »

Mental health, Video games and Relatable: My electronic life

Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it’ll published in the next 24 hours or so. Source link

By Beanhead

Today, I opened a can of beans at work, and instead of pouring out, the whole can plopped out, splashing bean juice all over my clothes and in my hair. Guess I’m taking a second shower today. FML Source link

[spicy] | By Hidingforever

Today, I accidentally joined my Zoom class meeting with my cam girl account. The whole class now knows what my breasts look like, and know that my nickname is “CumKitten.” FML Source link

By Whatthehell

Today, my girlfriend is mentally unhinged. She had a full on temper tantrum and ranted about healthy eating, and how she’s “fat” and needs to lose 30 pounds, all because I suggested Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner. She stormed out of the house. I later ran into her at a local pizza place, devouring a …

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By PattyJ

Today, I found out some of my colleagues made a Teams group named “WHPJ” Which stands for “We Hate (My first initial) (My last initial).” They post candid photos of me that were taken without my consent, and make jokes about me. These people pretend to be nice to me at work everyday. FML Source …

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By Ryan S

Today, I blew past my neighbor in my building as he was trying to tell me something. I didn’t care, I was going on my first date since last weekend. It turns out he was reminding me that the fumigation starts tomorrow at 8 AM. The tent is now up and I’m homeless. FML Source …

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By ShouldHaveBeenKing

Today, I discovered that I’m actually descended from wealthy and powerful landowners in Bangladesh. I live in a two-bedroom rented flat and work as an admin in a daycare. FML Source link

By WheresTheJustice

Today, my ex-boyfriend tried to poison my dog, all because I cheated on him. I’m getting bitched at for “breaking his heart” and “attempting to get him in trouble.” Nobody cares what he did to my dog. FML Source link

By Vlad

Today, I ordered a Pide with extra chilies. They must have understood, “Put all the chilies you have on my Pide.” I now know what hellfire tastes like. FML Source link

By fuck this shiit!

Today, I found out why my fiancé waited for me to meet his family. We had dinner at their place, the women were not permitted to talk while the men were in the room, also no eye contact with the men, and we had to eat separately. He says he wants me to learn to …

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By Insomniac

Today, I was written up at work for “leering at my boss”. I’m so sorry for having my eyes sore due to lack of sleep. FML Source link

By The WelshDragon

Today, as it has been for nearly 60 years, my name is Karen. I’ve never once asked to speak to the manager. FML Source link

By goddamn idiot!

Today, I was sent home for refusing to sign a write up at my restaurant. A customer insisted that she doesn’t drink soda so she’d like a ginger ale. I calmly explained to her that ginger ale is in fact soda. She told management I was being condescending and rude, because she didn’t believe me. …

By goddamn idiot! Read More »