End
Tags: Funny 2606 points, 109 comments. Source link
Funny
Perfectly laying cement and stacking bricks
Tags: Awesome, Satisfying 9399 points, 573 comments. Source link
By shouldve used a condom
Today, I was under the impression that my kids would eventually grow out of wanting to watch me use the bathroom. Instead, my 7 year-old son attempted to pick the lock so he could watch me take a shit and make fun of me for it. FML Source link
Health and Food: Trust your gut
Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it’ll published in the next 24 hours or so. Source link
By Sofvcked
Today, I found out when my new roommate said she was self-employed, she really meant unemployed. She insists that I let her stay for free or she will file a sexual assault case against me. Rent is due on the 10th. FML Source link
By Flipper_87
Today, my girlfriend, who I’ve been madly in love with for 18 months, left me for some guy she met two weeks ago. I was planning to propose to her next week. FML Source link
By so not funny!
Today, my husband and I, as well as our two oldest kids, have dark hair. Our youngest came out with very blonde hair, like my older brother’s. My husband insists on calling the baby our little “golden-haired Lannister”, no matter how many times I’ve asked him to stop. He thinks it’s hilarious. FML Source link
It's all fun and games until God stops accepting his collect calls
Tags: Funny, god, pastor 4495 points, 216 comments. Source link
[spicy] | By Amy
Today, three weeks after I gave birth to a stillborn, my now ex-husband told me he’s leaving me for his pregnant coworker. It’s his. FML Source link
By NewDadHurtBad
Today, for the third time in 3 months, my pregnant wife woke me up by slapping me because I cheated on her in her dreams. I would never cheat on my wife, and she blames it on “pregnancy brain.” There’s still 5 months to go. FML Source link
By lukey101
Today, my mum refused to send me a picture she took on her iPhone until it synced up to her iPad, because she claimed it will then appear larger. When I tried to explain the image will be the same regardless, she angrily accused me of not having any trust in her. I still haven’t …
By you’re one to talk!
Today, I reluctantly went to a family get together. My nosy aunt decided to try to lecture me on why I should spank my kids. That’s great coming from a woman who was a teen mom, had kids with 3 different guys, and now has grown kids that hate her guts. Yeah I truly need …
By Lost
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from school. The secretary said that my husband had already picked her up two hours ago. I don’t have a husband. He left while I was pregnant with her 6 years ago. The secretary said “no one told her” she had to check ID’s before releasing a …
By Almost40
Today, it’s my birthday, and like every other Sunday, my wife’s been called into work, and I’m left with our three toddlers and yesterday’s mess to clean up. It’s raining. FML Source link
Level 20 scavenger build with low endurance goes into fat rolling mode to intimidate a giant
2927 points, 114 comments. Source link
By indiemusicnerdgirl
Today, I have severe sun poisoning, a migraine, have been getting dehydrated no matter how much water I drink, and am on my period with horrible cramps. Yay summer! FML Source link
And I always finished my plate. But how did I help? All I did was gain 30kg
4300 points, 89 comments. Source link
By eff that asshole!
Today, I overheard my mom’s boyfriend viciously berating and verbally abusing her. I got in his face and started yelling that he can’t talk to her that way. He stormed out and we haven’t heard from him since. Now my mom is pissed and wants to kick me out for “ruining” her relationship. Sorry I …
By Ethan Sitzes
Today, I called into work because of a family emergency. My boss was understanding; my coworker? He tore me a new one because his wife wanted him to take the day off, which he didn’t because it was going to be a tough day at work. He also threatened to find a way he could …
This is how oyster can clean up polluted water. Both tanks are full of water from the same source, but the tank on left has oysters.
1440 points, 167 comments. Source link
Sleepy Joe accidently faces his cheat sheet towards camera. They forgot to add instructions `Remember to inhale and exhale to stay alive.`
Tags: sleepy joe 4103 points, 642 comments. Source link
By LAAAAAAAZY
Today, thanks to years of verbal abuse from my mother, I can’t even watch a ten-minute YouTube video without hearing her voice in my head, telling me to get off my lazy ass and do something. I can’t afford therapy. FML Source link
By MoshiBak
Today, our little family business was asked to do a presentation at my daughter’s school. When we got there and I saw her’ I waved to her happily but she totally blanked me, plus my super strict mom smacked me on the back of the head for embarrassing her by not acting professionally while I …
By lanexox1d
Today, I laughed so hard at a show, I threw up all over myself. The show in question? iCarly. FML Source link
By Bram
Today, marks my one hundredth pound loss. To celebrate, I put on my first backless dress I bought for this occasion. The dress fit great. Unfortunately, today also marks the realization that instead of inheriting my father’s beautiful hazel eyes, the universe blessed me with his hard to get rid of back rolls instead. FML …
By Never ever again
Today, I’m kicking myself for buying and setting up an elaborate cat tree I thought my cats would love. The second I was done, they walked over to it, sniffed around, and went to sleep in the box it came in instead, and won’t go near the darn thing. It might as well be a …
By Xxvc67
Today, I was attempting to trash my cheating boyfriend’s house. While I was pouring gasoline all over his belongings, he decided to come home early with the little homewrecker. FML Source link
\u201cMy rescue cat allows me to help him groom\u201d
Tags: funny, cat, awesome 1559 points, 62 comments. Source link
By iiiiiiii
Today, like every day, everyone blew up my phone at once and I began having a panic attack. Because I didn’t respond immediately, I was called rude and a bad person. Turning off my phone isn’t an option either, because my mom will come in my room and cuss me out for not responding to …
By jessloveskate
Today, I saw a kid throwing a tantrum in a supermarket. Thinking it was a matter of lack of discipline, I waited for the kid’s mother to come out of the bathroom to tell her how naughty her son was being. I then got to watch her beat her son to the point of unconsciousness. …
By Superdad
Today, I told my daughter her mom was busy fighting aliens, so I wouldn’t have to tell her that her mom is just a shitty, self-absorbed bitch, who doesn’t deserve kids. FML Source link
By Jeanette
Today, I caught a cold. Turns out that the neighbours who have noisy children have also caught COVID and have to isolate for a week. I not only have to deal with a cold, but I have to overhear kids shows and crying through the thin wall dividing our houses. FML Source link
By Ewyucky
Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML Source link
By Sigg
Today, we travelled back to England to meet my fiance’s family. Turns out her cousin is a guy I hated from high school. I tried to be an adult, but we began sniping insults at each other like we used to. By the end of the night, we realised we actually missed hating each other …
By Sad old friend
Today, I found out that one of my oldest buddie’s brother died of Covid. I’m so sad, not only for him, but that so many of our old crowd is passing on. I’m only 62. Where did those years go? There is still so much to do. FML Source link
By Birthdaypoop
Today, it’s my birthday. Not only did my boyfriend of 5 years forget, when I reminded him, he said very unenthusiastically, “Oh, Happy Birthday.” When I said, “That’s it?” he got annoyed and said,“Well, what else do you want me to tell you?” FML Source link
By Searsguy
Today, I got fired on my second day on the job. I’d said that I was the former manager of a Sears that had permanently closed. Thinking they wouldn’t call and verify since it was closed, I put it on my resume. Turns out one of my coworkers used to work there for 10 years …
By so this is how today is going to go?
Today, I shit the bed. Like, full on shit. I had to go ahead and throw my clothes away. It made it all the way to the mattress. The worst part, it didn’t even wake me up, my alarm did, so I have no idea how long I was sleeping in my own shit. FML …
The real definition of the love between a Mother and Son. When I saw this man pick his Mother up in his arms, my heart melted. This act me to tears. He came in this world with her holding him. Now it\u2019s his turn to care for her. She felt safe. You sir are a wonderful man.
Tags: Mother, Son, Relationship 7727 points, 350 comments. Source link
Mental health, Video games and Relatable: My electronic life
Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it’ll published in the next 24 hours or so. Source link
By Beanhead
Today, I opened a can of beans at work, and instead of pouring out, the whole can plopped out, splashing bean juice all over my clothes and in my hair. Guess I’m taking a second shower today. FML Source link
[spicy] | By Hidingforever
Today, I accidentally joined my Zoom class meeting with my cam girl account. The whole class now knows what my breasts look like, and know that my nickname is “CumKitten.” FML Source link
By Whatthehell
Today, my girlfriend is mentally unhinged. She had a full on temper tantrum and ranted about healthy eating, and how she’s “fat” and needs to lose 30 pounds, all because I suggested Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner. She stormed out of the house. I later ran into her at a local pizza place, devouring a …
He definetly was in there
Tags: marvel, daredevil, spiderman no way home 8606 points, 542 comments. Source link
By PattyJ
Today, I found out some of my colleagues made a Teams group named “WHPJ” Which stands for “We Hate (My first initial) (My last initial).” They post candid photos of me that were taken without my consent, and make jokes about me. These people pretend to be nice to me at work everyday. FML Source …
[spicy] | By my body hates me!
Today, my husband and I were just about to have sex. The last few months have been a shitstorm of stress, personal tragedy, financial crises, and family drama. When we finally got a moment to ourselves, I was struck with a literal shitstorm in the form of agonizing diarrhea. It’s been two hours now. FML …
By i know this is late but…
Today, it was Mother’s Day. My mom died when I was young, so I deleted all of my social media, to avoiding seeing all my friends hanging out with their aging, but healthy, loving mothers. Then my dad decided to remind me what day it was and to wish my abusive stepmom a happy Mother’s …
This is Japan's equivalent of Avengers, even before Endgame was a thing
4326 points, 312 comments. Source link
By Ryan S
Today, I blew past my neighbor in my building as he was trying to tell me something. I didn’t care, I was going on my first date since last weekend. It turns out he was reminding me that the fumigation starts tomorrow at 8 AM. The tent is now up and I’m homeless. FML Source …
By ShouldHaveBeenKing
Today, I discovered that I’m actually descended from wealthy and powerful landowners in Bangladesh. I live in a two-bedroom rented flat and work as an admin in a daycare. FML Source link
People like this should have there license taken away on the spot, car towed and make them walk to their destination! Absolute Fuktards!!!
5101 points, 434 comments. Source link
By WheresTheJustice
Today, my ex-boyfriend tried to poison my dog, all because I cheated on him. I’m getting bitched at for “breaking his heart” and “attempting to get him in trouble.” Nobody cares what he did to my dog. FML Source link
By Vlad
Today, I ordered a Pide with extra chilies. They must have understood, “Put all the chilies you have on my Pide.” I now know what hellfire tastes like. FML Source link
God.Damnit. This must be one of the most incredible piece of music I've ever heard, and I'm pretty old. I never knew that kind of magic could flow from a freaking bass… This Berthoud guy, proved me wrong. Put the sound to 11 and listen to the end… And then again and again…
Tags: wow, wtf, music 5933 points, 479 comments. Source link
By fuck this shiit!
Today, I found out why my fiancé waited for me to meet his family. We had dinner at their place, the women were not permitted to talk while the men were in the room, also no eye contact with the men, and we had to eat separately. He says he wants me to learn to …
By Insomniac
Today, I was written up at work for “leering at my boss”. I’m so sorry for having my eyes sore due to lack of sleep. FML Source link
By The WelshDragon
Today, as it has been for nearly 60 years, my name is Karen. I’ve never once asked to speak to the manager. FML Source link
By goddamn idiot!
Today, I was sent home for refusing to sign a write up at my restaurant. A customer insisted that she doesn’t drink soda so she’d like a ginger ale. I calmly explained to her that ginger ale is in fact soda. She told management I was being condescending and rude, because she didn’t believe me. …
