Funny

By go away karen!

Today, I had to call the cops on my batshit crazy neighbor, who’s repeatedly threatened to steal my dog. I finally got her ass on camera. She swears that my dog is being abused because it prefers to sleep outside instead of being in the house. Imagine that, an animal that likes being outside. FML …

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By FtHisSHet

Today, my wife faked being kidnapped. She composed a ransom letter and made calls from her phone screaming for help frantically and hanging up. I got the cops involved. Turns out it was all a scam, because she “wanted to see what I’d do” because apparently she “hasn’t been feeling loved” lately. FML Source link

By Forgotten

Today, I found out my boyfriend went to a “Lovers New Year’s Eve” party. I didn’t go. He told me he had to “work” that night and couldn’t spend time with me. When I confronted him about it, he told me he “forgot” to tell me and it was “a last minute thing.” We’ve been …

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By Ignored

Today, I’ve become so used to being ignored, that not only can I recognize the unique physical and verbal tics (or lack thereof) that certain people have when they’re not listening to me, but I can even mutter just about anything under my breath – even in public – completely confident that no one will …

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Equality

Equality

Tags: funny, animal 2453 points, 220 comments. Source link

By Cardy

Today, I had a blind date with someone a friend said would be a “perfect match” with me. Instead, that “perfect match” tried to get me to sign up to their scammy food supplement MLM. FML Source link

[spicy] | By Madashell

Today, the colleague who I’ve been secretly fucking told me she was pregnant. She’d lied about being on birth control. She’s mad at me because I told her to get rid of it and is giving me the silent treatment. You know who else is gonna be mad? My wife. FML Source link

[spicy] | By Paula

Today, my husband threw a tantrum and, in a blind rage, admitted to having an affair with his co-worker. All because the Cowboys are not making it to the SuperBowl. FML Source link

Have you?

Have you?

Tags: random, wtf 1679 points, 124 comments. Source link

By doggone shame

Today, my wife is refusing to go on our honeymoon because the resort we chose won’t allow pets. She’s now angry with me for not checking before we booked the place, and is threatening divorce if I go without her. I told her we could just get a dog sitter, but she refuses. Oh well. …

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Photoshop

Photoshop

Tags: funny, meme 8376 points, 493 comments. Source link

By oops

Today, I realized that sometimes when I sneeze, I pee a little. I’m 28 years-old and I’ve never had kid; I’m even a virgin. This shouldn’t be happening. FML Source link

By arimylove1

Today, I’ve never been so lonely nor felt so romantically neglected as when I got married. FML Source link

Wall-E

Wall-E

Tags: food, funny 4049 points, 1231 comments. Source link

By NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Today, I was walking to my room. My friend’s dog, who has always seemed to hate me for no reason, let out the loudest bark he could muster the moment he saw me. Not only did he scare the absolute fuck out of me, he also made me drop my pizza. FML Source link

By SoakingWet

Today, my wife of one week changed locks of the house and put my stuff outside. A letter addressed to “Elizabeth” had arrived in the mail. She thinks it’s my “secret side wife” and that I’m cheating. She was actually the previous owner of the house. My wife told me to, “Tell that lie to …

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By My hip hurts

Today, I got hit by a car while going out for a jog. As I writhed on the floor in pain, I heard the driver say, “Sorry!” and the sound of tires squealing. He’d sped off. I didn’t get a chance to get his license plate. FML Source link

By dtmm

Today, I was listening to my music on my phone through my Bluetooth wireless headphones. While listening, I turned my music and the power on my headphones off for a bit. I thought I’d lost them when I got home. They were so loosely fit over my ears that I felt like an idiot when …

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By leo

Today, my alarm turned itself off, leading to me sleeping in and showing up to work two hours late. Throughout the day, I kept on fumbling my words because my job requires me to speak mostly in my second language rather than my first, and I’m not great at it. On my way home from …

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Butt how?

Tags: funny, cosplay 15823 points, 627 comments. Source link

By Christ on a bike

Today, it was only after our third date, a random traffic stop by law enforcement, and a long, insane argument with the officers that I found out that the guy I’ve recently been getting to know is a Sovereign Citizen nutjob. FML Source link

[spicy] | By Carrie

Today, after spending thousands on 4 failed IVF attempts, my husband of 3 years told me he had a drunken one night stand last month with his ex, who he said he hasn’t spoken to in years, is pregnant with his baby. There goes our future together. I thought trust and being honest meant something, …

[spicy] |
By Carrie
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Kids, Relatable and Teenagers: Cool your jets

Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it’ll published in the next 24 hours or so. Source link

By Boundaries

Today, I learned that asking your boss, “Am I gonna get paid extra?” when he asks that you chip in for your co-worker-who-just quit’s duties is not an appropriate response. In fact, I was written up for “insubordination” and “inability to be a team player.” FML Source link

Oh well

Oh well

Tags: funny, usa, police 15664 points, 1054 comments. Source link

By Keekee

Today, I rang up a customer’s items. The total came out to $24.67. She handed me a bag full of coins and looked at me expectantly. I asked if she had any other payment methods; she got irritated and said ,“If I did, I wouldn’t have given you this, stupid!” I had to count them. …

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By someone who is depressed

Today, I’ve found that the water bill has been much lower than usual as of late. I then realized that this is because I’m so depressed and hardly get out at all, that I’ve stopped showering or even taking care of myself in general. Who do I have to impress, anyway? FML Source link

Kids, Health, Parents and Paranoia: Have you ever zapped anyone?

Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it’ll published in the next 24 hours or so. Source link

By Middle Age Divorced Dad

Today, my girlfriend has cats that live in my garage because I’m so horribly allergic to them. She went in the garage a while ago with power tools to do something simple. There has been a fair bit of noise and commotion in there. Part of me is happy that my girlfriend is trying to …

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By Rachaael

Today, I fell asleep at my boyfriend’s house and missed my curfew. It’s almost 4 a.m. Scrambling, I arrived home to find the locks changed. On the door knob was a note: “Go live with your boyfriend, you slut. See if he cooks and cleans up after you. I’ll help you move out your stuff …

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Health, Painful and Football: Just my luck

Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it’ll published in the next 24 hours or so. Source link

By Vanessa

Today, I went to my boss’s office to ask him a question. He basically gave me a cold look and replied, “You just answered your own question.” Due to my pregnancy hormones, it took all the strength I had to not burst into tears right there and then. I went back to my desk and …

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By NotLearning

Today, I agreed to help a “friend” again, after only finding out yesterday she’d been lying to me. FML Source link

Friends, Internet and Technology: I’m going through a tunnel

Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it’ll published in the next 24 hours or so. Source link

Music, Annoying and Movies: That’s just under 3 degrees Celsius

Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it’ll published in the next 24 hours or so. Source link

By ICouldntThinkOfaUsername

Today, my husband had heart attack symptoms on the way to his family event. We stopped, called an ambulance, and he was taken off to hospital. I called his family to update them. They still expected us to turn up. FML Source link

By QueenofMean2U

Today, I realized my workplace has incompetent employees who should be fired, while others who made one mistake did get fired. Our boss does nothing about complaints, except tell the offender everything you said. This environment is toxic but it’s a job. Never seen such backstabbing and cliques EVER. FML Source link

Love, Facebook, Social Media and Toys: Follow the lifescript

Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it’ll published in the next 24 hours or so. Source link

By Gerald

Today, I found out that a new coworker was spreading false rumours about me. I confronted her. and she basically ran to management and said I intimidated her even though other colleagues discredited her claims. She now continues spreading the rumours with her fake intimidation charges on top of it all. FML Source link

Woke Velma

Woke Velma

Tags: funny, velma, movie tv 9085 points, 544 comments. Source link

By HappyNewYear

Today, a cat ran into the house and got cornered in my room. Animal control wasn’t answering so I did what I could to try to lure it out. It proceeded to chomp down on my finger. Way to start the New Year. FML Source link

Work, Relatable, Education and Capitalism: Follow your dream

Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it’ll published in the next 24 hours or so. Source link

By KimL

Today, I learned that my ex married the girl he cheated on me with and started a family. I’m still single at 30 years old – Five years after that relationship ended. I still live at home and I’ve gained so much weight from the depression that guys find me repulsive. Glad to know my …

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By Joshua

Today, I was called to my principal’s office over one of my Google searches. What was a the horrid thing I’d searched you may ask? “Can you kill someone with an atomic wedgie?” I was talking about a game named ”Bitlife”. FML. Source link

By that desert girl

Today, I’ve been crying on a regular basis because I know one day my dog will die. He’s a completely healthy and happy dog, I just can’t accept how short his life will be and the fact that he’ll probably die before me. FML Source link

By WhoDunIt

Today, I had a job interview for the perfect job. My phone rang in my pocket. I’d forgotten to silence it. The worst part? The ringtone was a guy saying “Pussy!” on a continuous loop. The interviewer chewed me out for being “unprofessional” and kicked me out. I have no idea who set that ringtone. …

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