Funny

By Genesis

Today, my husband and I were going over costume ideas for his company’s Halloween party. I suggested to be Ariel the Little Mermaid. He scoffed, “Wow, not only are they changing her race but her body type too?” FML Source link

Animals, Cats and Painful: Life imitates art

Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it’ll published in the next 24 hours or so. Source link

[spicy] | By GET A ROOM

Today, I heard the very loud buzzing of a fly nearby, and I felt a tingly sensation on my arm. I thought there was a fly on my arm; I was half-right. There were, in fact, two flies having sex on my arm. That’s something I will never unsee. FML Source link

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs

Today, I was born and raised in Georgia, and later moved to Florida for college. I’m not sure which state has more embarrassing representation right now. I’m literally scared of what new laws might be passed, or what rights taken away. I wish I had enough money to move to another country. FML Source link

By Mariah

Today, after waiting two days for my ADD med because of “insurance issues”, I was told it’s out-of-stock. I have one pill left, and the pharmacy isn’t open on the weekend. FML Source link

Animals, Cats and Fight: Jackson Galaxy moment

Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it’ll published in the next 24 hours or so. Source link

By RUNNNNNNNNNN

Today, a kid threw a rock at a beehive while my friend and I where standing next to it. It fell down, and a swarm of slightly displeased bees assumed that we were the culprit. Knowing what was about to happen, my friend and I ran for our lives. He ran fast enough to escape; …

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By Pick out the picks

Today, I picked out a toothpick from a pizza. This is not the first time I’ve had to do this. It is also not the first time that I didn’t see it until less than a second before I bit down on the piece with the toothpick embedded in it. Looks like there’s a toothpick …

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By Achoo

Today, I tried to introduce myself to the stray cat outside my house. As it turns out, this cat is very friendly. He got up and started climbing on my shoulders like a parrot, sniffing me everywhere. Then I sneezed and he fell, scratching my back and neck very badly as he did so. FML …

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By Butters

Today, it’s my wedding day. I broke a toe on the couch while turning on the lights in the hotel room. FML Source link

By ted

Today, my boss bitched me out for accepting a fake £100 note. It was a genuine note, but he couldn’t believed someone would actually use such a note at a KFC. When I protested, he took it further and deducted the “lost profits” from my pay. The man is an asshole. FML Source link

By Ih8Snitches

Today, I found out that no matter how friendly a coworker is to you, never vent to them about how the job “is a total shitjoint but pays good” and that the manager “sounds like Cyndi Lauper on crack.” Apparently a listening ear is also a running mouth. I was fired. FML Source link

By JPark

Today, I deleted my account on social media and changed my name, all because I posted something hilariously inappropriate, and everybody laughed except one lady. My followers savagely jumped to my defense against this “one lady”. I had to tell people to stop roasting my grandma. FML Source link

$600

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Tags: Funny 8742 points, 973 comments. Source link

By Time To Go

Today, my kid has severe diarrhoea. My husband said he was going out to get medicine. Two long, painful hours later, I find he’s out eating and chilling with his friends. FML Source link

[spicy] | By UnhappyGrandmama

Today, my 17 year-old daughter texted me, “Mom I’m pregnat” Yes, exactly how you see it spelled. She’s a senior in high school. Oh, and she doesn’t know who the father is. FML Source link

By ThatGuyStank

Today, I had to email my professor, saying, “I can’t go to the event assigned in place of class today, due to the mass shooter in the sewers.” Gotta love living in the USA. FML Source link

By DarthPanda21

Today, it seems that my punishment in life is having to live and sleep 5 feet away from the girl I’ve loved since the 6th grade (I’m 37 now), and rather than tell her this, I’d rather just preserve our friendship and suffer in silence. I’d even venture to say it’s a reason for my …

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By Rebecca197

Today, without trying, I convinced my 24 year-old daughter that Stop signs with a white border around it were optional. Her car is now totaled and she’s in the emergency room with whiplash. I didn’t think she’d be that gullible. FML Source link

By TiredOfItAll

Today, after I spent months trying to show a woman we can be besties, because she thought I only wanted sex (which I totally don’t), we’ve talked every day, texted, shared videos, ect. Now she has a boyfriend and doesn’t have time for friends, let alone a bestie. I should’ve never tried. FML Source link

By Isabella

Today, I’m 9 months pregnant and the father of my child has suddenly decided that the child I’ve carried for 9 months isn’t his, and that it was “too late” to try and fix our relationship. He’s the only man who could be the father, he’s just finding every excuse to say, “Sorry, but no …

By Isabella Read More »

Hahaha

Hahaha

Tags: Funny 7548 points, 184 comments. Source link

By Cecilia

Today, I realized that my addiction to YouTube true crime had gone too far when I immediately though, “Dead body!” when I came across a seemingly abandoned suitcase outside my building. It’s only when my neighbor came outside to pick it up that I stopped calling 911. FML Source link

By justmeagain

Today, I requested to have my own room at a hotel instead of sharing with everyone else, and I was called an inconsiderate diva. The reason is that after eating anything, my stomach makes such loud and disgusting noises that no one would be able to sleep, but I’m too embarrassed to say that. FML …

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By tttTommYyy

Today, I cursed out a school bus driver for blocking me from making a turn. What’s wrong with me? FML Source link

By Quinnald

Today I found myself cussing out the next dipshit fucked in the head enough to open its bitch mouth and mumble to itself about how I was the newest main stressor of it’s bitch-fit of a day. Taking into account the pathetic aspect of “rubbing it in” I then proceeded to cuss out the next …

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Intimacy, Sex, Friends and LGBTQIA+: We have so much in common

Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it’ll published in the next 24 hours or so. Source link

By CatastrophicKatie

Today, I had to back down and buy a popsocket, which I’d declared useless and stupid since they first came out. I had to buy one after dropping my phone on my toddler’s head while he was sleeping. FML Source link

[spicy] | By Charlie

Today, I spent $400 on concert tickets just to hear, “I’d fuck the lead singer” for three hours leading up to the concert. FML Source link

By Luzer

Today, it’s been four and a half months that my wife is pregnant. It’s been a long and hard process, but we made it. Now she says she hates it, she can’t stop thinking about how her life, body, and identity got ruined, and how she wishes she was dead. I’m a simple man. I …

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By Popoi

Today, I found out my fiancé has been cheating on me for the past six months. I have a final tomorrow and have been busy crying, so guess I’ll just have to fail. FML Source link

Kids, Health, Covid, Relatable and Sexism: Pull your weight

Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it’ll published in the next 24 hours or so. Source link

By Wait, I'm not happy

Today, I had an extremely great day, to the point that I actually forgot for a moment that I suffer from depression. When I remembered, I became inexplicably sad, as usual. FML Source link

By weddingplannerlyfe

Today, I had the wedding from hell. Nope, not a bridezilla, but a makeup artist-zilla who caused the ceremony to begin over an hour and a half late, and then tried to charge the bride for her delays. She then went nuts when confronted with the reality of her poor time management. “Professional” my ass. …

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By Reissa

Today, I realized people think my boyfriend is gay because he loves romantic movies, gardening, shoe shopping, reading magazines, and bathing by himself in candlelight. After him asking me to cuddle and me to be the “big spoon,” I’m starting to question it too. FML Source link

By Shoot me now

Today, my boss accused me of eyeing for a promotion when I suggested a solution to save our team time by staying on a 2-hour schedule in the mornings. He told me we average 3 hours for our production, but his goal for this area is 90 minutes. FML Source link

By Matt

Today, my 7 year-old daughter was counting all the money she made over the weekend from her lemonade stand. She made sixty dollars and said now she has more money than I do. She’s right. FML Source link

By Xixi

Today, my boyfriend says he “can’t afford” to buy some Pampers and formula for our daughter, yet he just pre-ordered the iPhone 14, and bought his weekly weed supply. FML Source link

[spicy] | By jenn8209

Today, it’s my honeymoon. Before sexy time, my new husband made me do my first “act of loyalty” to him: text all my male contacts who were not family to “never speak to me again” and delete then from social media and cellphone. Apparently, I “can’t be hoeing” around during marriage. FML Source link

By SainsburysIsFine

Today, the lady of the house managed to buy all of the nastiest, yet somehow most expensive, items in the shop. You’d think pricey food would be tasty, but apparently the posh thing is grass clippings and wood shavings. FML Source link

Simply put.

Simply put.

Tags: Funny, politics, dark humor, funny meme 966 points, 113 comments. Source link

By Mysstou

Today, I decided that since my best friend of 25 years always finds a reason not to come when I invited her to see the house I bought 6 months ago, I would stop asking, and wait for her to make the first move. Did I say today? I meant 14 months ago. I’m still …

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[spicy] | By sure

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said that I tried to initiate sex too often, and that made me emasculating and unladylike. According to him, men should be the ones to initiate, and women should wait until the man does so. Sorry for wanting sex more than once every other month. FML Source …

[spicy] |
By sure
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[spicy] | By Mac

Today, i learned my wife has a lover. He’s more handsome than me, and bigger than me. I might’ve been OK with it if he wasn’t my daughter’s boyfriend. FML Source link

Animals, Cats and Relatable: Hey human, I’m right here

Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it’ll published in the next 24 hours or so. Source link

Simple

Tags: Random 3159 points, 85 comments. Source link