Fans around the world were shocked and appalled this week when alleged messages sent by Armie Hammer implied that the actor not only has a hunger for meaty film parts — but also meaty human parts.
“I want to eat you. I am 100% a cannibal,” read an alleged message from Hammer leaked by an anonymous woman on Instagram. Another reportedly said that he “wanted to cut off one of your toes and keep it with me in my pocket so I always had a piece of you in my possession.” An ex-girlfriend even claimed to Page Six that he said: “He wants to break my rib and barbecue and eat it.”
Love is in the air, everywhere I look around!
But those of us who’ve watched Hammer hammer away on-screen for years shrugged at the demented DMs. Outside of “Cars 3” and dreck like “Mirror Mirror,” the 34-year-old actor has always gravitated to creepy characters.
Perhaps one day, he’ll even get to play his dream role: Hannibal Lecter.
Until then, here are some of the Hammer’s film performances that raised freak flags.
“The Social Network”
The actor’s biggest early role was, in fact, two roles: Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss, snobby Harvard twins in David Fincher’s 2010 drama about Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.
Hammer turned the brothers into the NPR Hosts of the Corn. Colorless, they had effete mannerisms, soft-handed athleticism and reeked of trust funds. Not only did the chilly performance foreshadow this past week’s scandal — so did the fact that Fincher superimposed Hammer’s head onto another actor’s body. Digital dismemberment.
“Call Me By Your Name”
Timothée Chalamet is lucky he escaped with all his limbs!
The Oscar-winning 2017 drama had plenty of risqué sex scenes that outraged some circles because of Oliver (Hammer) and Elio’s (Chalamet) perceived age difference. Although the characters’ ages — 17 and 24 in freewheeling 1983 Italy — weren’t too objectionable on the surface, Hammer, at 29, definitely looked much older than his co-star, who was a fresh-faced 20.
That disparity was most notable during the infamous bedroom peach scene, which I won’t describe in detail for fear of losing my health insurance. Viewers’ jaws dropped. But not as much as they did when they read this alleged DM: “Will you come and be my property till you die?”
A young woman (Lily James) meets a dashing gentleman (Hammer) — only to discover that he has a turbulent, sinister side in Netflix’s “Rebecca.” Indeed, the role of Maxim de Winter was likely some of Hammer’s easiest prep work ever for a film.
Streaming on Netflix
In Clint Eastwood’s 2011 biopic, Hammer played Clyde Tolson, J. Edgar Hoover’s No. 2 at the FBI. Over drinks one night, Tolson is thrown into a violent rage when he finds out Hoover (Leonardo DiCaprio) has been getting “physical” with a woman.
“Is that what I am to you? Incompletion!” Hammer shouts at DiCaprio, attacking every “t” like it’s speech class, and smashes a glass on the floor. “Fire me!” The shoeless man walks across the broken shards, fights a bruised and bloodied Leo to the ground and then kisses him.
The plot of Hammer’s horror flick is tough to describe, so here are a few highlights:
His bartender character Will hallucinates that a cockroach is crawling out of a cut in his armpit. In another scene, he believes his phone has turned into a cockroach and chucks it out of the window.
Not to be out-grossed, his pal Garrett (Alexander Biglane) vomits a pile of bloody teeth.
Toward the end of the movie, Will is given a “present” wrapped in human flesh.
OK, now I’m just talking dirty.
Streaming on Hulu